How WTAE Stole Christmas

Christmastime is here and there's nothing better than sitting around the old HD LCD and watching family Christmas programs. I especially like the classics; "A Charlie Brown Christmas", "Rudolph TRNR" (which is kind of disturbing on many levels) and "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". Through the Christmas magic that is the FiOS Digital Video Recorder, we can even watch them a second or third time. Joy to the World!

The other night "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (HTGSC) was on our local Pittsburgh ABC affiliate, WTAE. The story is a little hard to follow for a 5 year old and impossible for a 2 year old; especially since ABC cuts to a commercial every two and a half minutes. That's not WTAE's fault, but I'd rather have someone sponsor the show with limited commercial interruptions. However, WTAE does control their news tease; you know the "Snow's coming, the world is doomed; film at 11" thing.

We watch as the Grinch starts stealing the Who's; not The Who's; Christmas. (If he tried to steal The Who's Christmas, Pete Townshend would beat him over the head with his guitar and Roger Daltrey would kick his Grinch-ass six ways to New Year; but that's a different story). So during a commercial break, Clay asks why the Grinch is doing this and all the other million questions a 5 year old has at Christmas. The commercials end and we turn our attention back to the screen. But first, channel 4's Wendy Bell comes on with a very important new tease: "Santa's Helper mugged outside a local mall, film at 11", she says almost cheerfully. Try explaining that to a five year old.

It's already bad enough that I can't watch a football game with Clay without him singing "Viva Viagra", but what were the people at WTAE thinking? I wrote them an email asking exactly that question. So far, no reply. Tonight we watch "Santa Claus is coming to Town". What will they tease tonight? "Local man bags 12 point Rudolph, film at 11". "Police crack down on Ho Ho Hos in Hill District, film at 11." "Global warming melts North Pole, 247 elves unaccounted for; presumed dead, film at 11". Merry Christmas.

Goodbye PittGirl

After living in Virginia for 22 years, I was really excited to move back to Pittsburgh last year. Even though we came back to visit several times a year, Pittsburgh had changed a lot since I left. Where was Joe DeNardo? What the hell happened to nighttime radio on KDKA? The Parkway North?!? My wife saying she was going to work on Liberty Avenue would have had a whole different meaning 25 years ago. And don't even get me started on the Pirates; the Buccos of Succitude. How was I, a stay-at-home dad, going to rediscover my hometown?

Then Nancy discovered a local blogger. She was funny, smart, hip and she made us see Pittsburgh through her eyes. We'd get on the phone and the first thing we'd say was, "Did you read PittGirl today?" Her's became one of our favorite sites to visit. I shared her hatred of pigeons, her love of local media and her hope that this would be the year the Pirates would finally have a winning season.

A couple of weeks ago, she had to quit abruptly. She had her reasons and we respect them, but are still sad. But I'm glad that we had a friend to show us what a great place the 'Burgh is, even if for a short time. Thanks PittGirl! We'll miss you!

Snow

We've had a very nice stretch of Aboriginal American Summer (P.C. for Indian Summer) here in western Pennsylvania. But the last few days have started to feel more like November is supposed to. This morning we woke up to our first snow. Actually it was more like a light dusting; enough to frost the roofs of houses and whiten the mulched planting beds.

But when the boys looked out the window, they acted like it was the Great Blizzard of November 10th. They jumped up and down yelling, "Snow, Snow Snoooooooooowwww!!!", until their throats were raw. I could see the wheels turning in Clay's head; "Can we go sledding? Can we build a snow man? Where is my scarf and gloves?" Drew had a look like he was thinking, "Does that stuff taste like ice cream? I can't wait to try it! Where are my crayons? I want to color on daddy's iPhone; again."

Nancy even looked at me said, "Do you think there might be a school delay?" Even after being here for most of last winter, old Virginia habits are hard to break. In the Old Dominion, a "storm" like this would elicit at least a 2 hour delay, if not a day off. In Virginia the threat of snow is enough to cancel school.

As I write this approaching 10 AM, the snow is starting to melt away. Actually it's more like it is evaporating. By the time we pick up Clay from Kindergarden, it will most likely be gone. No sledding; no snowmen; no snowball fights with the neighbor. Not today, but soon.

A New Hope

I'll warn you this post will be kind of geeky, so if you don't know where Tatooine is or the name of the bounty hunter who was shot by Han Solo, (Greedo), or the difference between Bantha and a Dewback you may want to stop reading now. This morning Clay woke up sick. It screwed up our plans for our usual "Election Day Breakfast" which has become a tradition for us. Alas, it was not to be. One of the things I promised him was that we'd watch "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope" or as I like to call it, "Star Wars".

Clay has been on a huge Star Wars kick ever since we rented Episode 1 or as Clay calls it, "The Jar-Jar Binks Movie." Bleeeaaack! He also got "Lego Star Wars" for the Wii and he and his friend beat the crap out of each other in the back yard with their Lightsabers. That was the extent of his knowledge of Star Wars. So I thought it's time to introduce him to what Star Wars was before George Lucas lost his marbles. (See this post). I put in the DVD, read him the opening credits and settled in for the movie. Immediately the questions started, "Is that Earth?"; "Who's that guy?"; "Why did Darth Vader throw that guy against the wall?"; "Who's that girl?" "How does C3PO understand what R2D2 is saying?"; "How many eyes does that guy have?" "Hey, look it's like the place in Lego Star Wars!"

I never realized how boring the first 80 minutes of the movie might be to a 5 year old. Lots of talking, not much shooting, no Jar-Jar Binks. But he really started to get into it during the lightsaber battle between Darth Vader and Ben Kenobi and was shocked when Ben was killed. "Is he dead? Is he coming back?!?" I told him he'd have to wait until the next movie. But what really got him was the climactic Battle of Yavin. He stood up and was glued to the TV for the 15 minutes of the battle. He was mesmerized! That's when I started getting choked up watching him watch the movie I saw over 31 years ago as a kid; getting drawn into the action as I did; wishing he had his own X-Wing fighter as I did. After it was over he said, "That was cool! When can we watch the next movie?!"

Hah! Take that Jar-Jar Binks!

Halloween

Last Friday was Halloween. I've never been a big fan of Halloween and I wasn't looking forward to it. The first costume I remember wearing was "Casper the Friendly Ghost" when I was 5 or 6. Trick-or-treating in my hometown was a little different. There was about a one block area I was allowed to roam around in near my parents' bar. This included about 15 houses, a grocery store, 2 bars, a pizza shop and a bakery. A raspberry filled jelly donut was my favorite treat. How many kids get that these days?

When I was older, like 10 or 11, I was given the "job" of passing out candy at my parents' bar. It was loads of fun {insert sarcasm here}. I sat there with a box of Clark bars or Milkshake bars and waited for the kids to come in (back in the day kids did go to neighborhood bars to trick-or-treat; at least in Pittsburgh). Occasionally, I'd get the scary costumed unknown kid who'd come up to me and rather than shout a playful, "Trick-or-Treat!", I'd hear in a low, menacing tone, "You better give me 2 candy bars or I'm going to kill you tomorrow!" Happy Halloween! {insert sarcasm here} As my wife says, "Well, at least you're not bitter at all."

In college, I went to some interesting Halloween parties. The Sigma Nu parties were the best. Unfortunately one included an image permanently burned into my brain. I looked on the couch of the house I was in and there was Gilligan making out with a nun with a scowling clown sitting next to them, staring at them. At that point, I gave up on Halloween.

When the kids came along, I got back in the spirit of Halloween a little. But this year in our new house, I think I had the best Halloween since I was Casper. The kids were both really excited. I think Drew had more fun giving out candy than getting it. I had a great time taking the kids out hanging out with the other parents and even having our own "goody bag" with a 6-pack of Labatt's Blue in it. For the first time in years I can honestly say, I can't wait for next Halloween!

Fireworks

In Pittsburgh, we love our fireworks. Just last week there was a building shaking display in downtown for Pittsburgh's 250 birthday. This week in our community, there were fireworks because, well, we're really not sure, but any excuse for fireworks and we're there. So last night we pack up the boys and our neighbor, grab some snacks, and set out for the big display. As we approach the launch site, I notice a distinct lack of activity. I mean there is no one there. No cars, no people, no band, no nothing.

Then we see a sign, telling us that we're 24 hours early. S#@^!!! Who has fireworks on a Sunday night?!? I guess we do. So fast forward 24 hours later; we pack up the kids again and thankfully, today there were fireworks. Not like the "shock and awe" of Pittsburgh 250, but a really nice 20 minute local fireworks display. I enjoyed it, Nancy enjoyed it, our two year old on my shoulders enjoyed it. Our five year old and his buddy enjoyed running around in the dark screaming "Happy Birthday America!" hardly casting a glance at the sky. But I guess they enjoyed it too.

Forty-Five

I can't believe it's Fall already. So much has happened in the past month. Last weekend, we saw the most impressive fireworks display celebrating Pittsburgh's 250th birthday. It was the largest display ever; and Pittsburgh's a fireworks crazy town. This was a more impressive display than any I ever saw in Washington, D.C. Baseball has finished (thank goodness); the Pirates are in last place... again. Football has started; more importantly Hockey has started. I love the Steelers, but I love and admire the Penguins. Drew turned 2 and I turned 45.

45. It doesn't really bother me, except I'm no longer in that 35-44 year old demographic. I received an invitation to join AARP. Doesn't the "R" stand for retired? I also fill out surveys for the Harris Poll. I don't get any money, but I earn points that I can exchange for gifts. (So far I earned a radio and a crock pot; it took two and a half years of surveys for that). Last month I was getting surveys like, "Tell us about your online music purchases" and "Help us develop the next great electronic gadget". Now I get ones like, "Tell us about your favorite men's hair coloring product" and "Adult diapers; function or fashion?"

The other day I heard a commercial playing "Mr. Blue Sky" by the Electric Light Orchestra; one of my favorite groups during my high school years. I started singing along and told Clay that was one of my favorite songs. He said, "Who sings that song, daddy?" "E.L.O. I used to have all their records." Without missing a beat, he says, "What's a record?" Nancy giggles. I start, "Well, before their were CDs, you used to have to buy music on these big plastic discs and spin them on a table and put a needle on it." As the words come out of my mouth, I already see Clay's expression start to change,as if he's thinking, "What the hell are you talking about old man?"

Yes, and phones didn't have buttons, and milk was delivered to the house, and we had 13 channels on TV and 11 of those were in color; Car seats? The back seat was my playground; my internet was 24 volumes of the World Book Encyclopedia and my Facebook was a Radio Shack walkie-talkie that reached my friend Billy's house on a good day.

Maybe I am getting old.