Thursday, May 29, 2008

Why Didn't I Think of This!?!

Here's a great website: YouParkLikeAnAsshole.Com Nothing more needs to be said. Enjoy!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Happy Anniversary! Here's a Set of Tires, Honey!

This past weekend was our 10th anniversary. On our honeymoon in Hawaii, I promised Nancy that we'd go back for our 10th anniversary. We didn't make it, so we did the next best thing; Chautauqua Lake, New York in the off season; during the coldest, wettest spring in memory. (Not to repeat myself from my last post, but Global Warming my butt!) It was actually a very pleasant trip and we had a great time. We had great food, visited many wineries, saw some wonderful scenery, took golf lessons and did one of my most favorite things in the whole world; make fun of Canadians. That is another blog posting all in itself.

We decided to be "green" and save the environment by taking Nancy's Prius on the trip instead of the minivan. OK, so we really didn't care about being green, we just wanted to get more than 18MPG on this trip. If you don't know, the Prius is a hybrid which runs on gasoline but has an electric engine which kicks in when it needs a boost; which kinda makes it like the Dick Cheney of cars; but Cheney has even less style and the Prius doesn't want to rule the world.

Anyway, we took a lot of side trips through Moraine State Park, Slippery Rock, Erie, Presque Isle, and North East, PA. Just when we decided that we should be getting to the hotel, the Prius starts acting like the Tilt-a-Whirl at a carnival, swerving from side to side. We pull over and we can actually see the tire deflating before our eyes. Nancy asks if she should call AAA. I say, "No, I'm a man. I can change a tire!" After all, I've seen "Cars". "Pit Stop!" How hard can this be. After 10 minutes the lug nuts are off and the spare is ready to go on. Just one problem. The wheel won't come off. I pull, I swear, I kick, I swear some more, but still nothing. I'm surprised because swearing usually intimidates the inanimate object I'm swearing at to bend to my will. So, defeated, I tell Nancy to call AAA.

Fifteen minutes later, our savior arrives with a railroad tie. He crawls under the car and smacks the living crap out of the tire and it comes off. Toyota's emergency road kit did not include this one, apparently, vital item. He looked at our other tires and showed us the tread, or lack thereof, and steel belts popping through the rubber on them. He sent us on our way with an unspoken, "Hope you make it the 50 miles to Firestone before the other tires fall apart!"

So, I've decided that the 10th anniversary is not tin, nor diamond, nor even wood; it's rubber.. steel belted.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Let's Go Bucs!

Clay and I went to our first day game yesterday. It was a double-header. It was 47 degrees; in May. (Global Warming my butt). We bought the cheap seats way behind home plate; there are no bad seats at PNC. I was surprised that there were over 12,000 people there because of the weather, but none cheered louder than Clay. His new favorite player is Freddie Sanchez (sorry Ryan Zimmerman!) and Jason Bay comes in a close second.

Clay charms everyone. He had an intense conversation with the lady in front of us about how she was a Pirates fan and her husband was a Braves fan. He asked why does she still like him if he doesn't like the Pirates. At that point I distracted him and tried to get him to leave them alone. Clay also told one of the ushers every detail of his last T-Ball game and another the three minute synopsis of "Cars". They all thought he was cute. And of course he is; but he talks a lot. Here are some random things I remember him saying yesterday:

"Daddy, I'm cold! I want ice cream!" "Daddy, I'm cold, I want hot chocolate!" "What's a Buccaneer?" "Daddy, it's tooooo hot!" "Where's the ice cream guy?" "Daddy, why does that guy {the catcher} put his glove {his face mask} on his head?" "Is a strike good or bad?" "Why is that man {he points vaguely at the 12,000 in attendance} doing that? Why, daddy?" "Daddy? What does KKK mean?" {OK, this was on the sign that counts how many strikeouts (K's) the Pirates have; they just happened to have three at that point}. "Daddy, where are the fireworks?" "I want a hot dog!" After standing in line for an entire inning for said hot dog, "I don't want a hot dog just french fries and ice cream". "I'm cold, when are we going to get ice cream?" "Why is there a 2 there?", again pointing vaguely. "Can I eat fires that I dropped on the ground?" "Why didn't that guy catch that ball?" "I'm hungry!"

But his favorite thing is at the beginning of every game. The scoreboard shows a video of a computer generated pirate who talks smack about the other team, then shows what is to Clay the single most exciting thing he's ever seen; an animated battle between pirate ships; one with the Pirates logo on the sails and a floatilla of ships with the opponents logo on their sails. The Pirates' ship fires cannonballs that get progressively more bizzare. They turn into rockets, jets, and finally a giant robot octopus that pulls the last remaining ship to a frightening demise to Davey Jones' Locker. After that, Clay's all "OK, daddy, I'm ready to go whenever you are."

That's when I remind him that the game is about to begin. "Oh, yeah. Let's Gooooooo Buuuuuuuuucs!" I love that kid. Can't wait to take him and his brother.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Happy Mothers' Day

To my mom, my mother-in-law, and my wife. I love you all.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Chuck, Next Door

Tonight has been a beautiful night, and like most evenings, we find ourselves outside enjoying the back yard and chatting with neighbors. Our neighbors on one side are a very nice Indian family with a little boy Drew's age. He was out cutting his grass and we talked about gardening and the deer and rabbit problem. We also discovered we have the same exact lawn mower. He's a very nice guy.

Here's the only problem. He and his wife introduced themselves a couple of months ago but I didn't really catch their names. I thought I'd be smart and look them up on the county real estate site and get his name that way, rather than sounding like the dope who can't remember or pronounce his name. No luck. It's like Mushtarhawlapindi Dannymurthaughrockingchair. And I'm not sure which one is his first name and which one is his last. So I've decided to call him "Chuck".


OK, so here's something new that I'll probably tire of in a few days; Twitter. If you look under my profile on the right hand side of the page, you'll see "Twitter Updates". This will let you see all my Tweets. What does this all mean? All four of you who read this can now see what I'm doing at any particular time I post a Tweet. But for the love of God, why would you want to?! Most of them would be something like; "Surfing the web", "Watching 'SpongeBob' with the boys", "Watching the Pirates lose another game".

The more I think about it, the more I think Twitter is pretty stupid. But I feel the need to try out all things tech. So who knows, maybe a Stickcam web show next?

Monday, May 5, 2008


I've really got to keep up with this blog. It's been a long time since I've updated. So many things have happened. We found a Sonic Drive-In about 20 miles away. I love the drinks at Sonic, especially the diet cherry limeade. On Sunday we went to Pittsburgh Mills, the mega-mall north of Pittsburgh. Why? Because that's where the Sonic is! My only other times I get to go to Sonic is at the Outer Banks. I'd drive to the Nags Head Sonic every day at 2PM to get the Happy Hour half price drink. It's always the diet cherry limeade. There are supposed to be 15 Sonics in Pittsburgh by 2010. I'm praying for one within walking distance.

Clay has been playing Soccer and T-Ball. Soccer isn't going so well, but he looks good in the uniform. By the way did you know I'm the assistant coach. Me. Mr. "I don't know anything about soccer and don't particularly like it." So I stand there and shout encouraging things like "Good Job!" and "No Hands!" and "Stop Crying!" and occasionally getting hit in the nuts with a soccer ball by an over zealous 5 year old. Plus I have one player whose greatest joy seems to be running behind me and punching me in the ass all morning. Thanks for volunteering me, Honey!

T-Ball is looking better. Clay is already batting from both sides of the plate. I think the other dads think I'm nuts because I keep saying things like, "You know, Clay can bat lefty this time" or "This might be a good time for him to bat righty". Since it's T-Ball and there is no pitcher, maybe I'm worrying about this too much. And at least I know more about baseball so I can shout more encouraging things like, "Good Job!", "Keep Your Eye On the Ball!", and "Stop Crying!"